Secret of a happy marriage * cheap weddings * getting married on the cheap * secret of a happy marriage * money saving ideas for a wedding

Want to know the secret of a happy marriage? You can spend a fortune buying and reading all the books but this is the best free advice you will find anywhere about how to have a long and happy marriage.

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Marriage is a roller coaster and a serious major commitment to spend the rest of your life with one person. Traditional marriage vows will include the words "to have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part."

That is one hell of a commitment for anyone to make and most people do not realise the actual consequences or reality of what they are saying. Roughly translated you are really saying is:

"I will stand by you no matter what happens throughout the rest of my life. I will love you more each day, come what may, I will support you when you need me, I will love you because of your faults and not despite of them, I will forgive you when you hurt me, I will never knowingly do anything to hurt you, I will consider your every needs, I will face every problem beside you and wherever possible take those problems away and I will ask for nothing in return except your love and to know you are happy, because all I want and need in life is to spend the rest of my life with you."

Unless you are extremely lucky, your married life is going to be fraught with all kinds of problems that will be thrown at you from all directions. Many of them will be self inflicted and many the fault of your spouse. Some will of course be simply bad luck, others unavoidable and some problems as a result of someone malicious. In between all of this there will be great times, fantastic moments and long periods of happiness.

Strong marriages ride out the rough periods by facing and solving their problems together. They don't point fingers of blame, they just remain a united front at all times, providing the emotional and physical support they promised in their wedding vows.

Marriage is about giving not receiving. It is a totally selfless act where both parties are prepared, if necessary to sacrifice themselves for the person they love. A successful marriage will only really work if both of you ask for nothing in return from the marriage except the knowledge that the person they love is happy.

Marriages breakdown because there is an imbalance where one partner feels they are giving more and starts to expect something in return. Successful marriages are all about managing the imbalances. These can be income levels where one spouse is bringing more money into the home, spending levels, sharing the household chores, looking after the children, doing the garden or any other day to day task.

If one partner in the relationship is a taker rather than a giver, they are simply taking advantage of the other and this can put untold pressure on any marriage and this is normally where the marriage starts to breakdown. Arguments ensue, hurtful things are said that cannot be retracted, nagging becomes a regular occurrence and one or both partners harbour feelings of resentment.

You will notice that I have used the word partner throughout this section because marriage is a partnership. It is not necessarily an equal partnership as it is rare that all the chores and responsibilities can be split equally between spouses. It is unlikely that you will both earn the same income, there may be times when there is only one bread winner, one partner will have to take on greater responsibilities looking after the children and despite all the feminist arguments, there are some physical chores that only a man and few women are built to handle.

Which brings me back to this. "I will ask for nothing in return except your love and to know you are happy, because all I want and need in life is to spend the rest of my life with you." Your spouse is not going to be perfect; nobody is.

There will be times when your partner is tired, irritable or even depressed and you may not recognise the signs. There will be times when you are tired, irritable or depressed and neither of you recognise the signs. Marriage is about supporting each other, giving, not taking. You should never, ever enter any marriage for what you are likely to get out of it. You may not get what you wanted and if you do, it may not be enough.

When you are happy just giving, get all the pleasure in the world from making your partner happy and that is reward enough, you have the basis for an extremely happy marriage. The perfect marriage is when both partners both have this single aim in mind. Anything, whether it be love, tenderness, generosity of spirit, happiness, pleasure or anything else that you receive in return is simply a bonus.

Of course there will be times when you get cross, irritated or frustrated by your partner, you are both only human. Step back and think. Is it worth arguing about? Should I mention it? Should I just let it go?

You have to make a considered decision. No one ever wins an argument; there are just degrees of losing. You could mention it but precede anything you say with the words "I love you but." If you let it go, let it go for the right reasons; not because you don't want an argument but because you love your partner and it wasn't important.

Marriage is about making small and large sacrifices. It is about understanding your partner and how they think and this takes time. Successful marriages are about giving unconditional love, never having any regrets no matter what cards you both get dealt and making sure that your partner never has reason to doubt your love for a second.

Getting both partners to stick to their real vows are the real secrets to a happy marriage.