The February Monthly Inspirer

Inspiration on careers, networking and writing

In this issue:
Editorial: Where do you work?
Let me introduce you to: Dave Scarlett (again) and Marian Weston
What you say about: The Monthly Inspirer
Guest writer: Diane Darling on Talent Spotting
What’s on: March, April and May

“Where words speak louder than actions”

Where do you work?
I expect that a fair number of you, like me, work from home. In fact I have worked from home, and been self-employed since I was in my mid-twenties. Most of the time it is an ideal situation. I am self-motivated, disciplined and have no difficult shutting the office door at weekends.

We have a fairly large house, which used to be a bungalow but now has three sizeable rooms upstairs on the first floor. Downstairs is where we live, but upstairs was for work and guests. For the last five years it has worked perfectly well. My office was upstairs and as far away from the front door as you can get. When deliveries came, I often failed to hear the doorbell. Odd noises, unexplained crashes and rumbles, frequently scared me enough to make me venture downstairs to see what has happened. My parents have a habit of coming round to see me unannounced and letting themselves in. Once a week I jumped out of my skin at the sound of two pairs of footsteps climbing the stairs.

My office was the coldest, darkest room in the house too. While the ground floor is bathed in sunlight, my office, being north-facing, has the smallest window and the smallest radiator. As I only spent between six and eight hours a day in it, the martyr in me, never stopped to consider it might not be the best choice.

The children are out at school all day. My husband, Ian, works abroad all week and there I sat in the cold and dark, ruining my eyesight and feeling lonely. Cut off from the world. Being upstairs and sitting facing the door like the Feng Shui lady told me to, meant I had my back to the window.

And then a complete stranger came round. An estate agent called David came to value the house. He suggested I moved my office downstairs into a light airy room that the children had been using as a study in the evenings. I had found an honest estate agent and he told me what should have been blindingly obvious.

‘What? You work at home all day, from THAT room?’ he said incredulously. But he got me thinking.

I may be a writer to the core, but there was no need for me to freeze to death in an attic. We had a perfectly good room downstairs that was both warm and light and unused by day.

And so I moved. I have been in my new office for one and a half days now. My attic room had sloping walls so I had nowhere to pin a calendar or a noticeboard. Now I have more vertical space than I know what to do with. When the delivery man came this morning to return Ian’s missing suitcase I spotted the crunch of tyres on the gravel and got to the door before he did. I can hear the wind in the trees and yesterday watched the farmer fixing the dry stone wall in the field behind the house while I was on the phone.

Funny isn’t it? I am still alone in the same house all day, but it doesn’t feel so lonely any more. I work in the part of the house that is filled with the energy of living. And what’s more the kids love it too. Now they no longer have to traipse sheepishly up the stairs to ask me a question, or bring me the phone – they can just shout.

I once knew a woman who worked in a cupboard. In fact I know several people like that. Tracey has converted the walk-in wardrobe in her bedroom into an office, while Bobby turned the centre part of the fitted wardrobe in hers into a workstation. When she shut the doors on the cupboard, the bedroom was returned.

My friend Karen had her study right beside the kitchen so she could cook the supper and do the accounts at the same time. My friend Sandra used her conservatory, while Ian and Anne have built a little wooden house in the garden.

Whether we are talking about where we keep our office, or any other aspect of our lives, sometimes it takes a complete stranger to tell you what you need to do.

I’m so glad we decided not to sell the house after all.

Oh, excuse me, I think I hear the doorbell again!

Jo Parfitt
Believe in blue sky

Let me introduce you to: Dave Scarlett (again) and Marian Weston
Firstly, let me apologise for an inadvertent error I made in the last newsletter. If you would like to subscribe to Dave Scarlett’s fantastic newsletter, called The Thinking Bench you need to email him at mailto:david@theinspiredcoachingco.com and not at the website I gave you. Dave is now working on the launch of his website called Soul Millionaire. So watch this space.

I have known Marian Weston for several years, since she was an expatriate in Sri Lanka and I was editor of Woman Abroad. Since then our lives have run similar courses. We both repatriated for the sake of our children’s education and then our husbands went off to work away from home again. Marian’s husband, Andrew, has been in Syria for a while now and she has learned how to cope as a ‘single parent without dating privileges” (a great phrase invented by Robin Pascoe of http://www.expatexpert.com <http://www.expatexpert.com/> ). Marian is a writer and has been so inspired by her own experience and that of others who are also involved in short term assignments that she has decided to research the area more fully. She hopes to write and speak extensively on the subject in order to help companies, stay at home spouses and short term assignees make the best of a difficult experience. She has created three surveys, one for the Human Resources, one for the spouse and one for the assignee. Please help Marian with her research by asking her for a copy of her survey by emailing her at mailto:am_weston@yahoo.com. Or you can get one directly from me of course.

What you say about the Monthly Inspirer
You were really inspired by my editorial last month about Risk and Resolution, weren’t you? This is what you said:

FABULOUS ! Thank you.
Loved the piece about you and husband - very similar to what happens here !! As someone said "Spiritless action is meaningless and a waste of energy".

Took note of the whale watching in SA and hope to go some time.
Best wishes
Marie Mosely

I have been reading your inspirer for probably a year now. Giving myself my new year pep talk I thought of this analogy- a gift from my Dad: The owner of the airport had a beautiful daughter who followed in his footsteps becoming a commercial pilot. The rather well known saying repeated often between the owner and my Dad was this: There are old pilots and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold pilots.

When inclement weather threatened, Captain Cautious, (my Dad) would remind his younger, less experienced peers of this. As a co-pilot, the daughter was instructed to continue flying in "weather" and sadly, they flew into the side of a mountain. If she were the pilot, and her registered opinion was to land before "weather" she would still be alive.

The moral is not about planes or weather. The point is this:

Stay in charge.
Make the decisions.
If for nothing else than your own life.
You are in charge of your own life.
If something (your inner voice) tells you to do, or not to do, something, you are not the co-in your own life- you are the captain.

Happy New Year, and hope to meet you in person sometime in the near future.
Melody Penney

Jo, I really enjoyed your newsletter. I have to admit though your article about the need to take action reminded me of some work with a coaching client from late last year. I hope you wont mind, as I enclose the details from that months e-zine - see a question of motive. Let me know if it relates to what you had in mind, especially given your action oriented speaking schedule!

A happy and prosperous New Year to you.
Kind regards
David
The Directors Coach http://www.thedirectorscoach.com/

Here is that extract for you to enjoy:

A Question of Motive
John a company director, related immediately with the client who said 'I do this all the time for other people but find it impossible to self-apply!' He observed "How true is that? My current problem is motivating myself. I'm pushing all my buttons but they don't seem to be connected to my motivation - wherever that is. I even know that but can't get motivated or enthused to get it sorted. Let me see if I can afford not to meet you!"

After an initial consultation, we agreed on a short programme to move him forward. At this stage he lacked clarity on what should be done first - let alone next. The areas he focused on didn’t necessarily help either. Still he felt that doing something - taking action, was essential. Through careful questioning I helped him understand that being busy wasn’t always the best approach. This was a pattern that had plagued John, who had always associated action with good results. When this approach had started failing him, he had become 'stuck'.

I helped him create some distance from his actions so that a context for what he did was established. Then he laughed, as the realisation hit him. "I just understood that until now I never really made any decisions in my life - I just did things". Now he was empowered, recognising that he chose what to do, and crucially - what not to do. This greater clarity contributed immediately to his growing sense of motivation.

Guest writer: Diane Darling
Talent spotting

When I first heard of Talented Women.com, my mind flashed back to my first job after college. I had joined the faculty of a small prep school. At the first staff meeting, the headmaster shared a few of the applications that he had received from potential students. One young boy wrote why he wanted to attend that particular school:

‘I think I have many talents and if one of the teachers can find them, then maybe they’ll have a nice day.’

The definition of talent in Ancient Greece, Rome and the Middle East was ‘a unit of weight and/or money.’

In the Biblical parable about talents, the story speaks about the person who received five talents and used them to get more. Whereas the person who was given one talent was afraid, hid his talent and ended up losing it. (See Matthew 25:14-30).

I find it curious among women that we often do not value our talents. We give them away without charge. We are hesitant to believe we should be well paid for our talents - talents that can earn us money that we can then use.

As we venture into the New Year, take a moment to write out your talents.

Ask your friends and colleagues to help you identify talents you have (yet may not be obvious to you). Decide you are going to connect with others who appreciate and value your talents rather than belittle them. Be willing to learn new talents and prosper!

As that wise little prep school applicant recognized many years ago, when others can enjoy your special talents, ‘then maybe they’ll have a nice day.’

Best to all the Talented Women in the world!!

Diane Darling is the CEO of Effective Networking Inc., Boston, United States of America and author of The Networking Survival Guide

http://www.EffectiveNetworking.com and http://www.NetworkingSurvivalGuide.com

If you would like to read more about talented women please look at Wendy Boothman’s website http://www.talentedwomen.com

What’s on in March, April and May

Thursday 4th March 2004
Institute of Global Mobility, London
6.30 pm
Here I am speaking about Out of the Box Dual Career Solutions. If you are interested in the institute and/or this event, please go to http://www.ey.com/uk/igm.

Tuesday 16th March 2004
Release the Book Within
Sue Warner’s House, Hampstead, London
Full day course
£80 – includes lunch and notes.
If you would like to attend one of my writing workshops and can get to North London fairly easily, this could be for you. Sue Warner is a professional speaker and Monthly Inspirer reader who likes to run courses, like mine, in her home. If you would like to book then please contact Sue on suewarner@speakingout.co.uk.

Saturday 20th March
‘Are You in Shape for Europe?’
Women in Management
10.00-15.30
£45+ VAT members/ £55+VAT non-members
Nottingham
Here I will be speaking about international networking and dual careers. If you are interested in attending please contact Susie Chambers on susie.chambers@loreley.force9.co.uk

Friday 26th March
Expat Fair
The Netherlands
Find me on the GlobalTMC stand where I will be assisting Mary van der Boon, selling my books and offering free advice. I hope to do a free seminar too. Contact me for details.

Wednesday 14th April
Release the Book Within and Definite Articles writing workshops
Dubai
Shortened versions of both courses, run back to back so you get to do one, or other, or both.
Contact Tricia Evans for more details on mailto:tricia@emirates.net.ae. Or of course you can contact me directly.

Thursday 22nd April
Women in Management
Coventry
6.30 – 9.30 pm
£15 members, £20 non-members
Come and hear me speak on Publish for Profile and Profit. Contact Debbie Jenkins on mailto:debbie@debbiejenkins.com. Or of course you can contact me directly.

Thursday 6th May
American Women’s Club of Amsterdam
Amsterdam
11.15
I will be speaking at their monthly meeting. Please contact Ruth Higgins for more information on mailto:r.higgins@inter.nl.net. Or of course you can contact me directly.

Friday 7th May
Writing Workshop
Amsterdam
Full day
Thanks to Jacinta Noonan, my plea for someone to organise this workshop was answered. Jacinta is currently looking for venues, but she plans at least one workshop. Please liaise with her for further information on mailto:j.noonan@inter.nl.net. Or of course you can contact me directly.

Summertime - where the writing is easy
Publishing, editing and tuition for writers

"My words speak louder than actions"

Call me: +44(0)1780 444768
Email me: summertime@lineone.net
joparfitt@career-in-your-suitcase.com
Websites: www.summertimepublishing.com
www.career-in-your-suitcase.com

PLEASE NOTE:
I have made the momentous, and rather frightening, decision to check my emails only once a day. If you need to contact me urgently please pick up the phone.