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When Life Takes a Detour - 4 Signposts that Will Guide You Back On Track
By Melissa McFarlane

Jo Parfitt attended Melissa McFarlane's workshop about coaching at WIN2001. In September 2002, she sent her this article:

It happens a lot around about now. One by one the astonished phrases sound out over the wire: "Oh, my gosh! Is it April, or June or September already?! I can't believe that much of the year has gone by! I need to get busy! There's so much I still want to do! I haven't even start to get busy on (Project X)! I feel so unfocused." Though the calendar may be an arbitrary, source of pressure, the value of some awareness of time passing is a good thing; at least for those with big plans for their futures, and big lives pulling them off track. April, for example, signals the imminent end to the first quarter of the year and is a natural marker upon which to measure progress in our one year goals. Indeed, she brings with her an opportunity for evaluation and redesign that is essential for progress and ultimately for success. Perhaps you are lucky and feel completely focused and energized in each of the important areas of your life. Perhaps . . . but I doubt it. It's not that I doubt YOU - you are brilliant, capable, impressively resourceful and incredibly effective - I only doubt that you've avoided nature. Balance is an ever-shifting equation in the theatre of business and life. It is the property of true genius to disturb all settled ideas. Maintaining absolute balance while moving forward is as difficult as holding an egg steady whilst running with a blindfold on. So, whether you've spent the last few months charging determinedly towards your goal(s) or you've found yourself wallowing in despondent confusion, it is likely that some area of your life plan has fallen off-track or at the very least, has been stalled on the track. The good news is that, like so many things in life, getting back on track can be far simpler than we imagine. In the paragraphs ahead I list four signposts to follow, each of which is a sure-fire fix to a stalled or detoured goal or dream. To jumpstart your life, simply identify where you feel off track and, focusing on that area, answer the questions in each category. You'll be surprised at how easily a stuck wheel can be oiled with the right question! A word for the impatient: although following each signpost may feel like a sidetrack, each will provide fuel for your trip, speeding you to a point further on down the road you'd been stalled on to begin with. Take the risk and the time - answer the questions!The Land of Outcome - What Do I Want?Often times we lose our way because we weren't precisely sure where we were going in the first place. Entering the Land of Outcome allows you to get specific and clear about what will actually change - what will either be in your life or absent from it - when you reach your goal. When you leave this area you'll be able to tell others exactly where you are headed and what is waiting for you there.

What do you want to "hold in your hand" as a result of your efforts?
How will you know when you've reached your goal?
What will change in your life as a result of achieving this goal?
What will be present in your life?
What will be absent from your life?
What is the bare minimum you can accept in this area in a year's time? 6 months? 3 months? By next month?

The Land of Motivation - Why Do I Want It? Driving into this land is all about visiting or revisiting the reasons why you set up your goal in the first place. Answering the following questions will help you lock into the purpose and value of any efforts you might take towards your goal. Whereas the Land of Outcome focuses on tangible results, this is the domain of feeling and experience. Answer these questions and reconnect with the initial passion you felt in creating the goal in the first place.

What was the promise of this project that fulfilled a secret (or not so secret) desire?
What about this project would make your efforts feel worthwhile?
What would easy progress look like in this area?
What do you love about this project?
What would leadership look like on this project?
What difference or change are you trying to make in attempting this?
Where are you being too hard on yourself?
What if you trusted yourself?
How will playing in this area enlarge you?
Who would you need to become in order to achieve this goal?
What will recharge your batteries?
What are you resisting?
What is the one belief that stops you the most from taking the next step? What thought or belief would feel better?

Sometimes getting clear about the value of what we want isn't enough. If the thing we want is far outside of our current experience (ie, a Big Goal), or simply clouded by smoke of some kind (like doubt, fear, or confusion) then even knowing what it is and wanting it really clearly, won't get us there. Clarity and desire are different than belief, and without belief the car won't drive. In sticky spots like these it can be helpful to go out and collect some evidence to strengthen your confidence that you can create what you want. This is the domain of Support, wherein previous experience or stories from the front can act as fuel for an engine that has seized up.

"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." Will Rogers

Once you've reconnected with what you want, why you want it and a belief that you can get it, you are probably ready to take action. The question is, "What action(s) should you take?" A plan is in order! Answer the questions below to help you prioritize your efforts for maximum momentum and gain. You'll be speeding towards your goal in no time.

Falling off course in life, although a bummer, is common and unavoidable. The key to success in regaining the momentum you desire, lies in your response to the detour, idling, or crash you are experiencing. Curiosity is a large part of the cure. The appropriate response to being stuck is not fear, but interest. Asking questions such as, "What do I really want? Why do I want that? Can I get that?" and "How will I get that?" are handy short cuts that will put you back on the main course in your life with very little effort. Powered by an inquiring mind will keep you humming along. Don't worry. Drive happy!

This article is part of a tape series entitled '9 tips for Self Coaching' which was scheduled for release in Summer 2002.