Secrets of a happy marriage * money saving cheap wedding ideas * secrets of a happy marriage * how to keep your husband or wife happy

On the last page we talked about the real vows and commitments you were making by getting married and how these were the real secrets to a happy marriage. As almost half of all marriages end in divorce and God knows how many just struggle on in abject misery, the next few pages on the secret to a happy marriage and how to make your husband or wife happy make for essential reading.

Previous page about the secret of a happy marriage.

Go to the start of this article about planning a wedding.

When you take your wedding vows, no matter what you actually say, by getting married you are actually committing yourself to a number of life changing and serious commitments.

"I will stand by you no matter what happens throughout the rest of my life. I will love you more each day, come what may, I will support you when you need me, I will love you because of your faults and not despite of them, I will forgive you when you hurt me, I will never knowingly do anything to hurt you, I will consider your every needs, I will face every problem beside you and wherever possible take those problems away and I will ask for nothing in return except your love and to know you are happy, because all I want and need in life is to spend the rest of my life with you."

Unless you fully understand and are prepared to make the sacrifices that come along with these commitments, your marriage will run into trouble sooner or later. So let's break them down into manageable and easily understood segments. The words "I will" are your oath to remain true at all times to your vows.

• I will stand by you no matter what happens throughout the rest of my life. Your married life will be full of ups and downs. The ups will be great and the downs the real test of your resolve. Financial problems, poor health and outside influences beyond your control ravage many marriages simply because the couple do not remain focused on each other and what is really important. You may lose your house but if you remain together, you have lost nothing of real value. One of you may become disabled but if you remain together you will overcome or deal with all the difficulties. You and your partner are the single and only really important thing in the relationship.
  
  
• I will love you more each day, come what may. Your wedding day is not as important as your marriage. Each day should be approached as if it is more important than the last. Treat your spouse with the respect they deserve, show them love and tenderness each and every day. Tell them you love them but more importantly demonstrate this love by doing little things to help them or give them pleasure, even if it pains you to do it. If they screw up, love them all the more.
  
  
• I will support you when you need me. There will be times when you spouse will face difficulties in life that they find hard or impossible to deal with. We all have our frailties and it is at times like this, even if the problems have been caused by their own doing that they will need to lean on you. Some how you will need to find the strength to carry them through their problems.
  
  
• I will love you because of your faults and not despite of them. None of us is perfect. We can be annoying, irritating and above all unknowingly selfish. It is not your job to change your partner. Few of us can change our characters, we can only be aware of our faults and take steps to change our behaviour. Focus on their good points and the reason you married them in the first place.
  
  
• I will forgive you when you hurt me. With the best will in the world, there will be times that both of you will say or do things that are hurtful. Sometimes they are said in the heat of the moment, other times they are just a flippant remark. Words can also be misunderstood or taken out of context. Do not hold a grudge nor throw this back in the face of your spouse at the next opportunity. If you know your partner loves you unconditionally, you need to find it in your heart to forgive them unconditionally. *
  
  
• I will never knowingly do anything to hurt you. You will do things to hurt your spouse of course. We are all delicate creatures. It can be a few words spoken in jest, something said in the heat of an argument or an act of selfishness made without consideration of your spouse. Learn from your mistake to ensure you don't do it again.
  
  
• I will consider your every needs. Show consideration at all times by demonstrating an understanding of what your partner needs from your marriage. A cup of tea in bed, allowing them to have a lay in and little spontaneous gestures like a hug and kiss at unexpected moments can go a long way and be appreciated. It takes years to really understand your partner and only time will give you the wisdom to know what they are thinking or feeling at times when they need your love the most.
  
  
• I will face every problem beside you and wherever possible take those problems away. There will be times when your partner will face problems that were of their own making. Sometimes these problems will be as a result of an incredibly stupid or irresponsible action. Don't point the finger of blame, try not to chastise them, just do what you can to help and if possible deal with the problem yourself.
  
  
• I will ask for nothing in return except your love and to know you are happy, because all I want and need in life is to spend the rest of my life with you. Too many couples get married for selfish reasons. Don't get married for what you can get out of the marriage. If you truly love the person, you should be focusing on what you can do for them. If you don't expect anything back in return, you will never be disappointed. Both spouses need to take this unselfish approach in order for this to work and for your marriage to have a happy balance.

It is not so much the things you say but the things you do that will truly demonstrate your love for your spouse. Over the years to come you may be blessed with children. This is a period where extra strain can be placed on a marriage. Don't lose sight of each other, it is easy to neglect your husband and just as easy to forget that your wife will feel that she is not looking her best. It should be the happiest time of your life so don't forget to tell your spouse you love them.

How to make your husband happy.

How to make your wife happy.

* There is one thing that is unforgivable. It is not infidelity, although this is something few relationships except the very strongest can survive. It is physical or mental abuse by either spouse as both wives and husbands can suffer abuse at the hands of their partners. If you suffer physical abuse, despite all the promises from your spouse, it will happen again. It is never, ever the fault of the person being abused. Physical and mental abuse is unforgivable no matter what the circumstances are. If it happens, the marriage is not worth saving.